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Archive for the 'Court Chronicles' Category

An inmate sent us the most expensive domestic candy bar ever. Probably.

I was in court this morning and managed to get back to the office around 10:30, which is early for me on court days. Our awesome paralegal, Nicole, filled me in on everything that happened in the past two hours (HOLY SHIT CRAZINESS ALL OVER THE PLACE), and I filled her in on the craziness […]

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My mom would flip if she saw this.

So our paralegal and I have a big shared office, and she’s super organized and her desk is always perfect and she can reach anything at a moment’s notice. Meanwhile, my desk…   Yeaaaaaaah. Ha. Ha ha. Hahahahaha crap. I wish I could say that this was an anomaly. That today it just HAPPENED to […]

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I lost my big motion. Que sera, blah, blah, blah.

I recently argued a big motion in basically our biggest felony sex case. Big as in a whopping 35-count indictment, and 2 co-defendants. And I argued it at 26th & Cali, from a rather weak position, and I argued it the day after the verdict in the Steubenville rape case.   So … yep. It […]

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Office Shenanigans: A slow day, for once.

So you nerds are often yelling at me to post more about the random crap I do around the office, so, fine, I’ll indulge you. My day today is super boring, though, so don’t say I didn’t warn you. (Well, I shouldn’t say it’s super boring. All my days here are legit really interesting. I’m […]

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Court Chronicles: Jail Visits! And Also Why Kanye West Ain’t Never Writing Another “College Dropout.”

The other day, my boss, Raymond Wigell, and I made the trip out to the detention center in Baked Potato Soup county to visit three of our federal inmates that, as luck of would have it, are all together there now. They used to be spread out pretty far, with one actually in Amsterdam until […]

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What do attorneys do on snow days?

Welp, I can’t speak for all attorneys, obviously, but I’m definitely calling it a snow day today, and I’ve got a ton of crap to do. I woke up this morning for Tahajjud and Fajr prayers and knew the storm was on its way, even though everything was fine. So I texted my boss, Raymond […]

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How the heck do I buy a birthday card for someone in federal custody?

So my assignment this weekend (well, one of them) was simple. This week, my boss, Raymond Wigell, and I are planning on making a couple jail visits in Peach Cobbler county. There’s a federal detention center there where three of our clients are currently being held, so we’ll probably take a whole day and spend […]

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Court Chronicles: It’d be great if I could avoid making a fool of myself.

No, seriously, you guys, it would be pretty awesome in terms of professional development if I could maybe, I don’t know, avoid making a fool of myself in the various courthouses I appear in. I mean, I don’t know, if I can somehow work not looking like a galloping moron into my schedule, I think […]

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