Stop Asking Where I'm From

So, this happened.

Written By: humarashid - Oct• 13•13

My boss and I were handling a status date for a child pornography case we’ve got pending. It wasn’t that big of an event; it was a return of our independent psycho-sexual evaluation, which we were going to tender to the State, and then we’d order the county-specific sex offender evaluation, the main purpose of which is to determine if the defendant lives within 500 feet of a school or park, etc. Armed with those, we’d go into a 402 conference next time.

While at the courthouse, we ran into my boss’s former associate, a very tall man (probably like 6’4″; holy hell, he was an absolute skyscraper of a man) who I’d met before and have heard lovely things about. Raymond and he talked for a minute, and then Ray introduced me and I made my usual pretty small talk, and then we parted ways. This attorney also had a matter up before our judge, and Raymond and I hung out in the corner and watched him when he was called up.


Attorney: Good morning, your Honor. For the record, I’m That Guy of That Guy Law Firm, counsel for Mr. The Other Guy, who is present in court on bond.

Raymond: [elbows me] Sound familiar?

Me: Yep.

(It’s the same intro that Raymond taught me, almost a year ago, which is what I say every time I step up before a judge.)

[watch Attorney That Guy do his thing]

Raymond: He was, hands down, the very best associate I’ve ever had in my thirty-eight years of doing this.

Me: Ah.

Raymond: …You areĀ ten timesĀ better than he was.

Me: …

Raymond: …

Me: …

Raymond: Don’t get too excited; I’m going to make fun of you later.

Me: Deal.

Raymond: …You eat more than he does, too.


The sad thing is, it’s true. Raymond and Nicole have seen me demolish foot-long super hot dogs, and cheeseburgers as big as my face, and polish a massive lunch off with a big thing of ice cream and then go hunting around the office for more food two hours later.

But, still. The main, substantive compliment. Which meant so much to me precisely because I’m so young and green. I mean, I just …

And there was a little of this:

And I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t also a little bit of this going on:

Yep, the results are in. It turns out, I’m awesome. Woop, woop!

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