The Reasonably Prudent Law Student

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So I was at a dinner party once. A boring, Desi auntie dinner party. I was too old to play with the kids (I don’t really like kids, anyway – they’re sticky and annoying) and I didn’t feel like gushing about Justin Bieber with the host’s tween daughters and their friends, so I sat with the aunties and, to combat boredom, entertained them with a little parlor trick.

My game was simple: What can I guess about you just by looking at your purse?

When I was a kid my father really emphasized not being nosy. I remember when I was 5 or 6 and we were at the grocery store, the cashier opened her drawer to put the money in, and I saw something pink. I rose up on my toes to get a better look and saw that it was a chapstick. In the car on the drive back my dad yelled at me for being nosy.

So I knew much better than to ask anyone to show me the contents of her purse. You just don’t ask a woman what she carries. It’s so nosy. Or, at least, that’s what I’ve been taught.

I just asked to get a good look at the outside of the bag. I didn’t ask to touch it, but a couple of the aunties passed it over to me as if I somehow needed to touch it in order for my powers to take hold. All I needed was to take a good look at it.

And then I spent the next five or so minutes rattling off a bunch of things I’d guess about that person based on just the bag. I also talked about what that woman wanted the bag to say. It was interesting because I knew one or two of the aunties really well (they were good friends of my mom’s) and one or two of them I knew well enough, and the rest were basically strangers or distant acquaintances. And I pretty much nailed each one, which impressed them all more than it should have. I mean, it’s not like it’s hard or anything.

So on Twitter that night, I was talking about my little parlor game and solicited pictures of the bags that some of you carry. I did one or two on the spot, and was, again, dead-on, which was pretty fun. And I promised I’d do some more profiles for this blog. I’m not sure if these actually count as a BCS post, but whatever, I’m counting them anyway. I’ll probably end up doing an actual outfit AND a purse post for a couple days, so it’ll be a two-fer.

And I figured the best way to start was with my purse. This is the purse I carry pretty much all the time. And, because it’s me, I decided I’d show you the contents. You guys already know a ton about me – I don’t really have anything to hide in terms of what I keep in my purse.

Longchamp, Le Pliage

I love my little Longchamp.

I had a grey one before that I bought YEARS ago but it was old and worn down and I needed to replace it, so I went with the red one because it just felt right.

I don’t generally like shapeless tote bags or hobos, but larger bags with some kind of structure or shape, or cute little clutches (like my tan leather envelope clutch, which is amazing but not fancy, which I like, because I can take it anywhere and not look … well, fancy).

The material is great for all-purpose use: I never worry about taking it out in the rain or anything like that. It’s pretty stain-resistant, too, and whatever does get on it is easy to get off. It’s large and spacious, but I like the trapezoid shape which generally holds no matter what I cram in there. That shape retention is kind of important to me – again, I don’t like shapeless things.

The handles are leather, and strong. I can stuff my fat wallet, my keys, my iPod, my phone, AND my little Toshiba laptop in there and not worry about it messing with the handles. The stitching is reinforced and they’re nice and thick, so I don’t have to worry about it. Of course, I don’t keep a lot of stuff in there all the time, but when I do, it’s fine.

The logo on the flap makes me happy whenever I look at it, because it reminds me of one of my favorite Manet paintings, the Races at Longchamp.

See? Gorgeous.

It’s not a huge painting, but the way it’s done, it feels like the horses are coming right at you. I think it was one of the first paintings of that time period, of horse races, where the viewer was standing right at the finish line, viewing the horses directly, instead of off to the side.

Lovely.

Anyway, also note the zipper and the flap. The zipper zips up all the way, of course, and there’s a flap that buttons up on top of it. Even if you leave the zipper open but have the flap in place, not even buttoned, necessarily, it’s very difficult for someone to stick his or her hand in there without you noticing. It was designed that way, apparently, for that very reason: to make it a little more theft-proof.

This bag says a lot of things to me, if I view it objectively and try to separate it from what I know about myself.

The girl who owns this is kind of conservative in a lot of ways. I see pea coats and pearls. She’s always put together, even if she’s not always fancy or immediately striking. She might be a little buttoned up, but maybe not. I’d lean that way, though.

The red is bold, though, so I’d imagine that the girl who owned this had a little bit of that in her. A little cheekiness, I guess, but she keeps it in check. The material isn’t leather but that synthetic stuff, which tells me that the girl likes things that she’s able to care for easily, things that are low-maintenance and retain their character and quality for quite a while.

There is a zipper AND a flap, which tells me that the girl is probably a little guarded in a lot of ways.

And, knowing myself the way I do, I’d say that’s more or less accurate. Accurate enough.

On to the contents, which say more about me as a person than any of my purses ever could.

First, I should mention that a couple things that are ALWAYS in my purse are missing.

For one, several lip glosses. They’re sitting on my coffee table and in my backpack. I carry around 8 lipglosses with me at a time, even though I have rarely ever used one while I’m out in public. They’re kind of like a security blanket, I guess. I just have to have them with me. Even if the color doesn’t even go that great with my outfit.

Second, a long piece of twine. I always carry twine with me. You just never know when you’ll need it. Like, once, my trunk latch thing broke at the train station in the morning and wouldn’t close, no matter how much some of the other men who were commuting that morning tried to rig it. That evening I had to drive home at like 3 mph (thank goodness I live 2 miles from the station and can take all side streets home) otherwise the trunk would fly up and totally obstruct my view. I had it taped down with the first aid tape in the kit I always keep in my car, and that held it until I got home and my dad fixed it. Ever since then, I’ve carried twine, because twine would have been great for looping through the latch and fastening it.

The reason I don’t have my twine in my bag right now is because three days ago, one our neighbors’ dogs, who looks just like Marmaduke, got loose. Kelly was running loose all over the neighborhood, cutting through yards and cul de sacs, and she’s kind of an absurdly stupid dog who LOVES to dash in front of cars repeatedly (she thinks it’s a game? she wins if she doesn’t get run over?) so really, it was only a matter of time before she got struck. So Neighbor Boy, his little brother, and I were chasing her through our streets and trying to corner her, and we finally did. She’s a big dog, so I couldn’t just drag her back to her house, so I tied the twine to her collar and made a makeshift lease and we all walked back to return her to the family that lives a couple houses down from us.

Great Danes are so pretty, but I swear this one (Kelly) has the intellectual capacity of dryer lint.

So the neighbors have my stupid twine. :| Their dog is so goddamn stupid.

Also, my iPod. It’s not in the picture because I used it to take the picture. Duh.

Other than that, here’s what I almost always have in my purse at a given time:

1. A notebook. Always. You never know when you’ll remember something you need to do, or if you’ll come up with a great idea, or hear a great book or music recommendation. And frankly, you look like a goober typing it out on your little iPhone. :P Sometimes I draw little things in it.
2. Writing utensils. Those are pencils I stole from my midterms and finals. I always have at least one pen so I can actually use my little notebook. Obviously.
3. An old cigar pouch with a new cigar in it. I can’t leave that lying around on the coffee table because my mom would flip out. I think my dad already suspects I smoke cigars but he has yet to call me out on it. It’s funny because when his one friend from Pakistan is over, the one who loves cigars, my dad’s like, “oh, Huma, what’s the name of that cigar place?” And I have to give him directions to my cigar bar in Schaumburg. (I go to Iwan Ries when I’m in Chicago and want to smoke. Best place EVER. Oldest family run cigar shop in the country.)
4. The doo-hickie that lets me listen to my iPod in the car. I clip it in and turn on the radio and sing along and sound like a bunch of cats being tortured.
5. My fat wallet. Cream, leather, Nine West. I can’t remember having anything other than a Nine West wallet since junior high, when I decided I should have a wallet. I just like NW.
6. Nail Envy (original formula) and Avoplex (just a bunch of oils and Vitamin E). I don’t know why I carry these everywhere. I think I only have them in my purse so I can be certain not to lose them in the cesspool that is my bedroom.
7. This awesome purple nail polish I found at Delia’s, of all places, that I am currently wearing on my toes.
8. Hand lotion/balm/emollient. It’s from the Body Shop, I think, and smells fantastic. I used to have to use it all the time because my hands get so WHITE and dry and gross, but ever since I started drinking tons of water I don’t have that problem.
9. Oh, God. Eyeliner pencil in midnight from CoverGirl, liquid eyeliner in black from E.L.F. (which is FANTASTIC in every way and only $1), and mineral liquid eyeliner in black from this one shop on Etsy. And Maybelline mascara. I bought it mainly for the brush, which is good, but not as good as the Define-A-Lash brush. There is NO REASON for one girl to carry this much eyeliner. I never even use it unless I’m wearing my contacts out, which is kind of rare. Ugh. I think eyeliner is becoming my new security blanket. Either that or I keep them here so I can be sure not to lose them.
10. Tape measure. A lady should never leave home without a tape measure.
11. I don’t know why I carry a hair brush. I am usually sporting a blow-out, so my hair rarely tangles or snarls, even on windy days. There’s really no reason for me to carry this.
12. Sally Beauty card. I only go to Sally for EcoStyler stuff, which is olive oil infused hair gel that I use if I want to wear my hair naturally (that is, in tight ringlets and waves – yes, tight ringlets AND waves because my hair is weird). But I have a card because I have a hard time saying no, even to pushy sales ladies. (See how much you’ve learned about me already?)
13. JMLS I.D. I lost the first one. Like a million times. One time Andy found it on the floor after our last final in the Fall1L term. He brought it to the bar where we all were and was like, you idiot. :| And then when I finally lost it and didn’t get it back, I had to pay for a new one. Idiot.
14. My red Zippo lighter. I love it. I love touching it. It’s got this really cool rubbery coating that just feels nice.
15. Change. It always falls out of my wallet.
16. A packet of sugar. Remember how Andy was saying that he found the Huma Doll sitting on top of the vending machine eating packets of sugar, and then it went limp when it saw him? Yeah. The sugar packets thing wasn’t just some random tidbit he threw in there. I legit carry a sugar packet in my purse and have for months. :|
17. Itr/Attar. It’s a perfumed oil that was used by the Prophet (S) so it’s sunnah to use it. Mine smells like jasmine. I have tons of different scents – lavender, lilacs, musk – but this is the one I usually carry.
18. Mineral lipstick in Cheerful Cherry from E.L.F. It is AWESOME and only costs like $3 or $5. It’s one of the few products from E.L.F. that I’ll use because it’s just that good. The little tube is Clinique lip gloss in some-shade-of-red. It’s a very blue red, which I love.
19. Three loose aspirin. You guys know I like pills.
20. Checkbook, mostly for the train passes I always have to buy each month or week.
21. Westlaw swag: Highlighters! You never know when you’ll need them.

And there we have it: perhaps the most revealing look at the Hoomster that you’ve ever seen on here, and it’s been nothing more than my purse and what I carry in it.

If you submitted a picture of a purse to me, you’ll see it profiled on this blog at some point in the near future. If you submitted several, I’ll probably pick one at first, and if I feel like it I’ll keep going after I’ve gone through every person that turned one in. If you want to submit a picture of your purse, send it to me at hrashid24@gmail.com.