The Reasonably Prudent Law Student

So I was talking to Andy today, and the topic of yoga came up. I think he was saying that if I did yoga, I would be flexible enough to do … something. I don’t remember what. I only pay attention to like 14% of what that kid says. Any more is hazardous to my health.

Anyway, I was like, um, I survived a month of Bikram yoga, and I totally owned at it, so, trust me, I am more than flexible enough to do whatever the heck it was that we were talking about. And then I remembered this mildly amusing yoga story and I told him about it, and I figured it was mildly amusing enough to share here.

Image via Wikipedia

So once, not too long ago, I was just doing yoga in my room. My bedroom is the biggest one in our house, and the center is completely open and bare, save for a really pretty area rug. I sprawl out on that rug with my books, with my computer, I pray salaat on that rug, I spread out whatever project I’m working on (painting, sewing, Legos, whatever), I sit or lay on it for my meditation crap, and I roll out my yoga/exercise mat on it.

You know, the two times a year I take it out with the intention of actually working out. Actually, no, I take it out more than that, but usually I spread it out and then I fall asleep on top of it in my yoga shorts and tank because working out is too much work and naps are too pleasant.

So yeah. Suffice it to say, I love my room and the big area rug in the middle.

This isn't my room, but I get the same sanctuary-type vibe from it. My room has less colors. Colors are too stimulating, and cause me to make trouble. :/

Full disclosure: I don’t work out. I don’t run, I don’t belong to a gym, I don’t use any of those exercise videos with the too-cheerful instructors that make me want to punch kittens, and the only time I did anything that could be called working out was that one-month Bikram yoga class I took, which I took mostly because it was half off and I wanted to prove myself I could do some kind of hardcore work out (it’s done in 120F temps in a closed studio) since I, again, never worked out. I’ve never done it again, because it costs too much for me to justify spending, and because I think Bikram Chaudhry is an asshole, but I’m looking into reasonably priced hot yoga classes in my area. Hot yoga is the same as Bikram yoga, except Bikram Chaudhry doesn’t get any of my money.

So, the two or three times I’ve dragged out my yoga mat, I’ve always done it on my island of a rug in the middle of my room.

So I was doing a bunch of ashtanga poses, the sun salutations, all of that, and I was doing really well because, again, I’m flexible enough. Note: I’m not strong. Not at all. I’m just flexible *enough.* I’m certainly not some awesome yogi over here.

But I got cocky.

I got cocky, you guys. I flew too close to the sun. :/

I decided to do the turtle pose. And not the wimpy turtle pose: I decided to do the hardcore turtle pose. I decided to do this:

Yeah. THIS.

I stole this picture from Yoga In My Life, which some of you more consistent yogis might want to check out.

THIS was the pose I attempted.

And THIS was the pose I totally pulled off.

It wasn’t difficult at all. At that point I’d been working on my yoga poses for about an hour, so I was pretty limber already. I had no trouble getting into the pose and I really stretched into it, totally feeling it in my hamstrings and arms. It was awesome. I loved it. I must have held that pose for five minutes, easy, stretching into it and maintaining the steady yoga breathing.

And then my brother came running up the steps and knocked on my door (he never enters – cultural thing) and told me I had a phone call.

:|

Um, okay.

I prepared myself mentally to get out of the pose. And then I tried to get out of the pose.

AND THEN I COMPLETELY FAILED TO GET OUT OF THE POSE.

:|

I was stuck, you guys. I was stuck GOOD.

And yes, I looked ridiculous. I looked … well, exactly like this picture I showed you earlier:

Naturally, Andy found this hilarious. My brother found it pretty hilarious at the time, too.

I’d attempted this position without the guidance of a yoga teacher, and nowhere near a yoga studio. I was just doing it on my own. And had I been doing it in a studio, the teacher would have seen my confusion and come over and told me, step by step, exactly which part of my body to move so that I could get out of it. And I think I tried the reverse-of-how-I-got-into-it like you’re supposed to when doing tricky yoga positions, but who knows? Maybe I didn’t. Maybe I just panicked and squirmed for a good FIVE MINUTES before I worked myself free.

And when I ran down to get the phone my friend was like, dude, what took you so long? And because I have a problem with not really realizing until it’s too late that my stories make me sound like a hopelessly inept fool, I was like I WAS STUCK IN A TURTLE AND IT WAS SO SCARY. :C

This seems like one of those times.

:|

Ugh.