We were sitting down for Iftar, which is basically our de facto dinner during Ramadan, since no one but my dad and bro eat anything else before bed. My mom was talking about various people in her life. This followed.
Papa Hoomster: OMG, so-and-so is such a kamina. [kamina = Urdu for asshole, let's say. Not a good word.]
Me: It’s Ramadan, don’t you think you should lay off the swearing? Any time you hear me and Askari swear, you’re all I NEVAR SHOULD HAVE COME TO AMURRRICA.
Papa Hoomster: Kamina is not a bad word.
Mama Hoomster: Kamina is a bad word.
Me: Kamina is a bad word.
Papa Hoomster: Kamina is not a bad word. It’s a description. I’m using it to describe so-and-so.
Mama Hoomster: Well, I know so-and-so is that word, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still a really bad word.
Papa Hoomster: It’s not a bad word. By that standard, everything is a bad word. Why do we bother saying anything?
[cue me sniggering as Papa Hoomster storms off.]
Mama Hoomster: >:(
Me: What?
Mama Hoomster: Why do you start things?
Me: Um, he saw the F-word in a QUOTE listed under QUOTATIONS on my Facebook page [note: my Info section is the ONLY part of my profile my dad can see, yet he still managed to find that quote] and was like, I never should have moved to America. First, I cannot even BEGIN to tell you why that statement is completely ridiculous and stupid. Second, HE SAYS WORDS JUST AS BAD ALL THE TIME AND LIKE ALL BUTT-PARALYZINGLY FRUSTRATING DESI MEN HE THINKS THEY’RE NOT ANYWHERE NEAR AS BAD AS ENGLISH SWEARS.
Mama Hoomster: >:(
Me: >:(
Mama Hoomster: Why do you start things?!
[the family disbands to pray maghrib. Yes, we pray maghrib/sunset prayers to Allah on American soil. I'm sure this really enrages @SCartierLiebel and @LauraMcLaura, who have basically said as much on this blog because they're that word that Jennifer Aniston said on Regis & Kelly for which she still hasn't issued an official apology for, which has angered lots of people, and which is mildly surprising because her PR team is so aggressive in most things.]
[I'm putting my dad's dinner and a glass of water on the table when he comes back in with a big, thick Urdu-English dictionary that he's probably had for far longer than he's had me. That's 24 years for anyone that's counting. And for my stalker in the 2nd row with the binoculars and the vanilla wafers. Hello, Walter, good to see you, as always.]
Papa Hoomster: Let me tell yooouuuuuu what kamina means.
Me: *snicker* Sure, let’s hear it.
Papa Hoomster: [lists off long, OED worthy definition of kamina in all its forms with multiple synonyms at the end]
Me: Uh-huh. Really. Wow, you don’t say. Oh. Uh-huh. That, too, huh? Really. Wow. You don’t say.
Papa Hoomster: [slams book shut] THAT is what kamina means. It is not a bad word. Don’t argue with me.
Me: Uh-huh. So you’d have no issue with it if I said kamina in front of, say, Imran uncle?
Papa Hoomster: Of course you can’t. It’s always looks very, very bad if a girl is the one saying a bad word.
*FACE PALM*
Ignoring the guy-girl distinction, did anyone else notice that he used ‘bad word’ to refer to kamina?
Not just me, then?
God, and people wonder why I need therapy.
(Eustace doesn’t wonder, though. He’s been discouraging me from seeking professional help since he popped up in my stomach lining.)
(Eustace, devotees will remember, is what I have named my ulcer.)
For all my issues with Papa Red, he *did* teach me how to swear. So he really has no one to blame but himself, when I went shrieking down a mountain in Colorado at the adorable age of seven shrieking at my older sister “GET YOUR CHEATING ASS BACK HERE GODDAMMITALL”
:D
Also I got yelled at at school today for swearing too much. Which meant that I spent the rest of the day dropping as many f-bombs as I could.
AHAHAHAHAHA.
Yeah, after this conversation, I started referring to things like the weather as ‘kamina.’ My mother was not amused. :P
And I may or may not currently be buying a sweatshirt from a great Desi band called, you guessed it, the Kominas. :P
The puppy didn’t show up in my Google Reader. It was definitely worth the click through. I don’t even remember any more what I was going to say!
I swear…your mother is my hero, lol! Someday, I’m going to meet her and we will exchange stories about our rebellious daughters while eating snickerdoodles and drinking tea. :)
My mom will think Katie is awesome. I promise. I’ll be the one going AY and my mom will be like AY DON’T YOU GO AY AT HER. >:(
Because this is how my life works. :P
I suppose ‘Jesus H Roosevelt Christ’ would just make their heads implode? ‘Cause that’s one of my favorites :)
You should write a TV pilot based on the conversations you have with your family.
That’s the dream, man, that’s the dream. And I haven’t even shared any of my conversations with my Gma yet! Except htat one about my hair. Oh, man. Oh, man. :-|
So is it ok if your brother say’s Kamina? I like the use of law school tactics to argue w/the fam.
Me: Uh-huh. So you’d have no issue with it if I said kamina in front of, say, Imran uncle?
Papa Hoomster: Of course you can’t. It’s always looks very, very bad if a girl is the one saying a bad word.
Your dad walked right into your trap. Nice counselor :)
Haha, that seems to be what he means! :P But then again, my brother gets to do lots of things I don’t get to do, so whatever. I’ve…accepted it?
No, I haven’t. :-|
I hope Papa and Mama Hoomster are down with you educating the entire Internetz as to the meaning of “kamina.” Then again, I guess it’s too late now, huh?
That is an adorable dog. I want one. It almost doesn’t look real, it’s so adorable.
Mama and Papa Hoomster would not be down with me laying some ‘kamina’ education down, no. :P
And YES this puppy is so cute! :D It’s so angry. I just want to give it a hug and tell it that everything will be alright with the world.
Then I want to put it in a little wagon with my 4 stuffed animals and walk around with it for a while.
Next time he pulls something like that you should say, “Dad. W.T.F?”
It’s not really a bad word either.
HAHAHA. Love it.
Thanks for the laugh! If it makes you feel any better, it isn’t just a desi thing – hubby always yells at me for saying ‘malaka’ (pretty much the greek version of kamina) and tells me not to say that in front of other people…even though he says it all the time – and things waaaaaay worse when he is driving (ok, he yells at me for saying this one too – it’s bad enough that i can’t even put the translation here) and malaka has pretty much become a greeting between friends…for guys at least
Hahahaha. Yeah, I have guy friends who greet each other with similar words. Dick and asshole are common salutations, apparently. :P
And oh, man, this takes me back to college, and you training me in Greek swears. :D Good times.
Wait, what did Laura McLaura say?
And at what point did everyone burst into song?
And did I miss Desi Arnez saying “Lucy I’m home?” Or did that not happen, and I’ve ruined the surprise for people…
I just needed to say (again) that Laura isn’t the one who posted that comment.