The Reasonably Prudent Law Student

Haha! Look at this idiot!

I swear, you guys, you’d think that people would have some freaking common sense when it comes to dressing for the courtroom. It’s not even that hard: the only requirement is that you dress nice enough. No one’s asking you to throw on your Vera Wang gown or anything: just dress nice enough.

But apparently that was too much for this little genius to handle.

She showed up to court in jeans, a grey cardigan, and a black t-shirt reading “WHO THE F— IS KANYE WEST?”

First off, child please. I don’t care if it’s a sarcastic quip: You never ask who the f— Kanye West is. HE IS THE VOICE OF A GENERATION OR SO I AM TOLD BY KANYE WEST.

>:(

Love Kanye. LOVE HIM.

Second, the bleeped out word on the shirt didn’t give you some clue that it might not be appropriate for a courtroom?

Third, everyone knows Kanye West is a gay fish.

This little kid snipped about the judge picking on her and then let loose a string of expletives outside the courtroom when she called her friend and told her what happened.

Things to take away from this story:

1. Kanye West is a gay fish.

2. Judges generally don’t play that. (Cited: ABA Model Rules of Professional Conduct.)

3. Do not wear rude t-shirts to the courtroom when you are called to represent a reasonable cross section of the community as finders of fact.

Ugh. So complicated.

I know! Let’s play a game to make it all easier! I’ll put up a t-shirt design, and you guys figure out if you should wear it to court or not.

All right? Let’s go.

Answer: Appropriate. It is well known that all courtroom judges are Oldie McOldersons and will not be able to see that the shirt says “Warn A Brother” instead of “Warner Brothers.” They will simply presume that you are a big fan of the motion picture studio.

Answer: Inappropriate UNLESS you are in the jury for a case involving any kind of sexual assault. Again, it is a well known fact that everyone is always allowed to picture you naked until things get assaulty.

Answer: Appropriate but only because it is true.

Answer: This falls in a legal gray area. It is generally appropriate, but if anyone gives you guff, proudly assert that you support America’s small businesses, the backbone of the economy. That’ll shut ‘em up.

Answer: This is inappropriate because it stirs up debate about our country’s immigration policy as well as the history of our relationship and treaties with Mexico, and everyone knows that a courtroom is the LAST place to engage in discussions like that. HOWEVER, this shirt IS appropriate if you are reporting for jury duty in Arizona or New Mexico. And if you’re reporting for duty in New Mexico, then it’s just plain funny.

Answer: This shirt will never not be appropriate. I’m talking jury duty, bat mitzvahs, funerals, graduations, and dog and pony shoes. Appropriate, appropriate, appropriate.

Answer: Appropriate if you are white, inappropriate if you are not.

Answer: Appropriate for its truthiness. In fact, a proposal to add this as an amendment to the Constitution is currently on the floor of the House of Representatives. No, it is not. But it should be.

Answer: Completely inappropriate in every courtroom, in every state, in every country, in every planet, in every galaxy. And if you have to ask why, you are a monster and should be punched in the larynx.

Answer: Always appropriate. I doubt any of you would even want to live in a world where it was not.

Answer: Appropriate if you’re over 21. Be warned that if you show up wearing this shirt, the judge may request the Bailiff to ask you for I.D. (Cited: Federal Rules of Civil Procedure.)

Answer: Appropriate. If a judge tries to smack down your style, plead the 1st, the 2nd, the 5th, and the 45th. Basically, just plead anything. Something’s gotta stick to the wall.

HOW TO SCORE YOUR ANSWER SHEET: If you got anywhere from 7 out of 12 to 11 out of 12 right, congratulations! You are fit for jury duty! If you got anywhere from 1 to 6 right, you are an idiot, but the court system is desperate for jurors, so you qualify anyway. If you got 12 out of 12 right, go home. We don’t take kindly to know-it-alls around here.

And if you got 0 right, congratulations, you’ve passed the jury round and have won a seat in the legislative body of the United States of America, in the house of your choosing.

Yay! I love games. :)