You guys. Everything is terrible. Of course, if I wasn’t in law school, Everything wouldn’t be terrible. Everything would be kind of okay. But alas, it is not. It is terrible, because law school exams have started.
Those of you that are in the trenches with me know what I’m talking about. You sympathize, you empathize, and I wish you guys the best of luck as we keep our heads down and power through this shit.
Those of you that aren’t in law school, you cannot even begin to understand the horrors of exams. Law school itself is super intense. Finals? A hundred times worse. They’re 100% of your grade, almost always. VERY few professors set aside even 5% for participation/attendance/not-setting-everything-on-fire. My life would be lovely if ever professor handed out a couple Not Setting Everything on Fire points. Of course, my torch collection would gather cobwebs, but this is a price I’m willing to pay, you guys.
These exams are sometimes multiple choice, sometimes just essay, sometimes a combination of the two. And if you’re my douche ex-ConLaw professor, there’s also a matching section on your test. A MATCHING SECTION WHERE YOU HAVE TO MATCH THE SUPREME COURT JUSTICE WITH THE RULING HE/SHE WROTE.
I wish I was kidding, you guys.
I remember being a 1L and seeing that on the final, just a bunch of names like Blackburn and Harlan and Holmes and Scalia and Marshall and court cases like Youngstown Steel and Lujan and being like…
WHO DOES THAT?
Like I really give a shit who wrote Youngstown Steel; all I care about is the rule of law! Like I’m really going to have to know the name of the goddamn justice when I take the Barzam.
Ugh, so glad I’m done with that class. I’m never taking another class with that professor ever again. Just horrible. The best argument against tenure I can think of. I bet he was a good professor at some point, but he’s not anymore! I’d also never ever take another class with my old Property professor. Guy was a straight-up douche. The fact that he bullies his 1L class (us back in the day) but is so nice (reportedly) to his 2L and 3Ls just makes me hate him more.
Law school is full of these people, you guys. Horrible, abominable people.
So anyway, I had my Copyrights exam on Monday. That class was structured in an interesting way. It was Copyrights & Trademark, and what would have been our midterm exam (there are usually no midterms in law school; your grade on your final is the grade in the class) was our Trademarks final. It was worth like 45% of our grade because this prof is merciful and giving us participation points. After that final, we never had to think about Trademarks again, except when we learned in Copyrights that Lanham Act claims for relief are NOT granted in cases involving Copyrights. After that final, we focused only on Copyrights, and the final I just took only covered that and was worth 50% of the grade. So we were very lucky in this class when it came to grades.
But it still felt like a real final, and I was totally in the Real!Finals mental zone, you guys.
The weekend before the final, I reread all the assignments for Copyrights because I hadn’t read them much at all during the half-semester. Then I culled a 20 page single-spaced outline in Word from that. Then I whittled that down to an 8 page double sided hand written outline. Then I brought that down to about 8 bullet points that I just memorized right before the exam and jotted down in my blue book (because I knew the tests and crap already) so that I had a neat little guide to get me through the essays. (It was an essay exam, no multiple choice.)
So anyway, I got to school around 8:30AM and already knew I wasn’t going to my last 2L class (Corporations at 9AM). So I went straight to the 5th floor to my little sofa and coffee table where I always sit and study (SCREW THE LAWBRARY) and got my outline and my pencils and my highlighter out and got comfy.
And yes, that is my blue velvet rhinoceros. He doesn’t have a name. I prefer it that way. Why complicate things? We both know what this is.
I would have slept there for hours, too (I had only gotten 4 hours of sleep the night before; frigging insomnia), but I was discovered.
He wanted to know which room our last Corporations class was in, because our prof had moved it. I told him and he went on his merry way and I got down to studying.
I studied for an hour, went upstairs to the room, studied some more, and then I was ready. Exams are srs bzns, you guys, and very demoralizing. Even before you take them! So you have to get yourself all pumped up. You know how it goes, you have to get excited and like YEAH RAWR.
And Copyrights was no different. I had my outline fresh in my head, ready to be reproduced in my blue book as soon as the proctor called time, and I was ready to do this shit.
And then the exam starts and you’re like YEAH IN THE ZONE and you spend the first 5-8 minutes reproducing your outline in your blue book, and then you go through the exam and you’re like, okay, this is an infringement question, this is a fair use question, and this is a joint work v. work made for hire question. And you know what tests you have to use and you know what terms and principles you have to include and you type-type-type for 2 hours and 45 minutes and then you close out of the software and reboot and anxiously wait for that confirmation screen and you’re done!
YAY! You’re done! And now you can set everything on fire!
I’ve got Evidence, Corporations, and Bankruptcy finals left, you guys.
HUMA ANGRY HUMA SMASH.