The Reasonably Prudent Law Student

If you guys follow me on Twitter, you already know what Twitter is. Duh. For those that don’t, it’s Facebook distilled down to just the statuses, or ‘tweets.’ FourSquare is an application that works with Twitter and you log on from your phone and it posts a tweet about where you are. Like, “I’m at Meson Sabika, 400 Aurora Ave, Naperville” and a link or something. I don’t know.

All I know is that FourSquare scares me. It’s a great way of saying, Hey, I’m at this location about twenty miles away from my house. PLEASE ROB ME. NO REALLY GO AHEAD. YOU HAVE MY IMPLIED WRITTEN CONSENT.

This is why I will never use FourSquare or any other application that tells people online where I am. Because I don’t know you nerds. Some of you could be cool. Some of you could be rapists. Some of you could have spotted jumping fever. I don’t know. I have no way of knowing.

And this scares me, you guys.

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that FourSquare was released by a gang of international thieves who knew it would gain tremendous popularity on Twitter and other social media sites. They were like, Hey, sure, we’re rolling in diamonds and stolen TVs, but we could be rolling in MORE diamonds and stolen TVs.

(In my mind, robbers only steal diamonds and TVs. These are facts. Kind of.)

So they were like, Let’s write this simple code. Let’s give it the name of this cute little game with a big red ball that you played in elementary school where the most important thing in your life was figuring out who was putting his or her mouth on the drinking fountain because OH MY GOD THAT IS SO GROSS EVEN THOUGH YOU TOTALLY DID IT YOURSELF BUT THAT WAS AN ACCIDENT KIND OF, and it will remind of you of fun and sunshine and cookies and Play-doh and security.

This is what the robbers were thinking, you guys.

And then they were all, and these people will start using it. They already use Twitter to brag about the iTampon they just bought last week, and they tweeted a picture through TwitPic that was taken with what is probably a pricey digital camera, and now they will use FourSquare to tell us when they’re not home SO THAT WE CAN STEAL THEIR SHIT.

:-|

I know. I know. I wish I had thought of it first, too.

But before we plop down on the We Always Think of Cool Things Second bench, rap with me for a minute here.

I can’t just be making all this up, can I? What good can possibly come of posting your location online for tons of strangers and weirdos and sex predators and your mother to read? What good? First of all, who cares? No one. Not even your mother. Okay, fine, your mother, but that’s just because she gets lonely. You should call her sometime. Second, you’re going to get robbed. Third, it makes for awkwardness. What if you forget and you 4sq that you’re at a friend’s party, and this other friend that you follow on Twitter sees it and wasn’t invited to that mutual friend’s party and is all like BITCH and you’re all like DAMN.

These things happen, you guys. These things happen once every 8 seconds.

:-|

Okay, no, that’s how often a baby is born. Which, frankly, I think is abominable. Babies are ridiculous and they should be told as such. I make it a point to walk up to a stranger’s child in a stroller at least once per day and tell it point-blank to its fat little squishy baby face that it is ridiculous.

This is why I spend so much of my time in court.

(And you all thought it was because of the lawyer thing, right? Psssh.)

Anyway, this is the Hoomster telling you not to do it. Don’t post your location online. It’s dumb. You will be robbed. And that will also be dumb. Listen to the Hoomster, you guys. She is your friend. She only wants what’s best for you, except when she just wants to take your things, in which case she decidedly does not want what’s best for you.

I know, I know, you guys are thinking, Hoomster, you are brilliant. And as such, it follows that you would come up with this brilliant plan to rob people. So why don’t you actually do it?

It’s a valid question, you guys. But frankly? I would make a terrible robber. Observe.

(These Sweet Pea Designs are best viewed at highest illumination, otherwise my hair color and my twiggy arms look to be the same color. And in some of the panels the dude is talking first. Poor planning. I suck. But this is all free content, so shut your pie-holes.)

See?

I’d be horrible at it.

:(

This one was for Ryan, who needs something to stare at through glazed, heavy-lidded eyes while being stuck in Corporations.