The Reasonably Prudent Law Student

So it’s been Doppelganger Week on Facebook for some time; that’s why you’ve seen your friends’ pictures replaced with images of Chris Pine and Zooey Deschanel and Laura Prepon. (In related news, ZOMG, my friend Brittany from high school TOTALLY looks like Laura Prepon and always has, you guys!)

If you follow me on Facebook (or, really, if you look at the sidebar and scroll down) you’ll notice that my Facebook picture is currently one of Mila Kunis.

My pal Carla has always insisted I looked like Mila. I never, ever saw it. When I polled my friends a week ago to see who I should put up, I got Aishwarya Rai (Nate cited my big-ish eyes, high forehead, and full lips), Anne Hathaway, that chick that plays Bianca on “All My Children,” and, the front-runner at the time, Queen Rania.

Now, I don’t particularly care for Aishwarya Rai. I don’t mind her, but I just don’t care for her. She’s there, she’s beautiful, good for her. But I don’t watch Bollywood movies, I’ve seen like two minutes of one starring her and even then, that was only in my Multicultural Literature class in college. Plus, my BFF looks exactly like her. Well, it’s a toss between Aishwarya and Angelina Jolie. Although lately, as we’ve grown older, she’s started resembling Keira Knightley. Apparently everyone tells her that, and I never would have seen it in a million years had my little brother not suggested it on his own.

So whatever, Aish was out. I really don’t see the Anne Hathaway resemblance. She’s a gorgeous girl, and there’s no way I resemble her. I think, if anything, what makes people suggest a similarity is either the shape of the forehead, or the cut of the jaw. Other than that, I’m completely out of ideas.

That soap opera chick is way too delicate and petite for us to resemble each other, and there’s no way I look like Queen Rania, who has made many appearances here. Besides, my pal Joy looks JUST like Rania. She eventually went with Maria Menounos, and while I think the resemblance is clear from many angles, I still maintain that overall, she is a dead ringer for Rania. So I’d pick Rania for Joy before I’d pick her for myself. Long before. Just such a stunning woman.

But when I recalled that Carla always used to say I looked like Mila Kunis, my Twitter feed fairly erupted with tweets chiming in with agreement. I still didn’t see it. At all. So I got a picture of Mila wearing glasses, to see if it would fit together then, and I kind of saw it.

:-O

And I was tickled. I’ll admit it. Mila Kunis is beyond gorgeous, and I’ve always liked her tremendously. So if I’m told I look like a brown Mila Kunis, puh, who am I to complain?!

But for every little running joke, for every meme, there’s always the idiot that takes it way too far.

Today’s Stupid $h!t I’m Reading: Woman to Undergo Plastic Surgery to Look Like Jessica Alba.

Basically, this chick is 21 and had a 28 year old boyfriend of two years, roughly. He’s obsessed with Jessica Alba and had tons of pictures of her up at their house, and he bought her a blonde wig and made her wear it along with fake eyelashes so she’d look more like him. Then one day a bunch of people were laughing and mocking this chick, let’s call her X, because of her wig and eyelashes, so she took off her wig and threw it down all dramatically like something out of America’s collective fantasy regarding Kim Zolciak and broke up with the dude.

But she regretted breaking up with him, and now is going to get all this surgery so she can look like Alba and win him back. She said some crap about not being very strong psychologically and using this surgery and her knew look to be stronger, some metamorphosis shit like that minus the giant cockroaches.

Or, not. Eh. Your call, depending on how uncharitable you want to be about this story.

As for me, I’m pretty uncharitable in general.

So, naturally, Eustace has gotten out his little pom-poms and created a whole cheering section for this genius, because he thinks this is a brilliant idea. Devotees will remember that Eustace is what I have named my ulcer.

Reasons why this sucks:

• Jessica Alba is beautiful (and would be more beautiful if she smiled more often) but she’s not the end-all-be-all of feminine beauty. That doesn’t exist. Talk about a wild goose chase!
• X, you are TWENTY ONE DAMN YEARS OLD. There is no reason to get elective cosmetic surgery at that age. NOT A SINGLE ONE.
• Someone who describes herself as ‘psychologically weak’ has even LESS of a reason to get elective cosmetic surgery. I’m sorry, do I need to talk about Heidi Montag? Please say no, because I can’t stand that famewhore.
• This chick is pretty as she is.
• If your boyfriend is so crazy-obsessed with Jessica Alba, LET HIM BE. He’s never going to have her anyway. Let that loser sit in the dark and cry about it while you move on with your life and find someone that thinks you’re beautiful the way you are. DON’T ENCOURAGE HIS IDIOCY BY REINFORCING IT WITH PLASTIC SURGERY GOD.
• Everything is terrible.

Okay, so the last one doesn’t specifically answer to why this sucks. It’s more of a general statement. And it’s true: everything totally sucks.

I kind of wish I knew what this girl was thinking. So I could talk her out of it. And also because I’m just really, really curious what would have to go through your head to make you even joke about doing this, much less actually doing it.

Maybe I’m kind of glossing over everything and making it too simple. I don’t know what it’s like to be desperately in love with someone to the point that I’d consider something this dramatic. As X has said, she’s just that desperate to get him back. And I’m probably simplifying things because I’ve never had to change myself in any kind of meaningful way for someone else, and I guess I must be pretty selfish, because I can’t imagine doing so.

I mean, I don’t think there’s anything too horrible about me. I went through a phase a year ago where I just shopped A LOT. A lot, a lot. But once I realized what I was doing, I stopped. I did that for me, but I’d do it for someone else, too, just because I realize that it’s a terrible habit that needs to be changed.

Things like that, bad habits, I have no problem changing, for myself or anyone else. But things more character-based, things that define who I am…I’d never change that. Never even consider it. And certainly not for some dumb boy.

It’s what I remember telling one of my friends shortly before she got married to this guy I wasn’t all that crazy about: You can change habits, but you can’t change people.

See? Sometimes I’m insightful.

And then, when I realize I’m being insightful, I go back to yelling at garden gnomes, because a girl like me only gets so many moments of insightfulness per year, and I wouldn’t want to use up my entire annual allotment in one go.

But, yeah. Change your habits for someone, that’s cool. Quit smoking. Stop biting your nails. Drink less. That’s great.

But there’s no need to change who you are for anyone. All that’s going to happen is that you’re going to be miserable and you’re going to resent the person who you professed to change yourself for. I’m hardly saying anything revolutionary or life-changing; this is the same trite garbage you can find in any self-help book and any lame-o episode of Dr. Phil or Oprah.

But that doesn’t mean it’s not still true.

And that’s why things like this make me so sad. I just can’t imagine anyone wanting to change themselves so dramatically for someone else, someone who didn’t seem to appreciate them all that much in the first place.

Kudos to Jessica Alba for hearing about this story and urging X not to go through with it.