This is another conversation with Mama Hoomster, an emerging star here at TRPLS (Terples). For some context, this conversation involved a $50 Visa gift card that she was giving me. The card came in an envelope with a letter saying it was a holiday gift, blah blah blah. It was from a certain school that my mother was the principal of last year (she stepped down voluntarily to be a teacher again because she found that dealing with shitheads wasn’t all it was cracked up to be).
This school used to bitch and moan about money, and how it didn’t have any, for easily the past decade, and certainly while she was in charge. Let me put it to you this way: if this school was a college kid that liked to go bar-hopping, this school would ONLY buy a mug on Dollar Beer Night. And consider it a splurge. When my mother wanted to get Eid gifts for the faculty members and wanted to spend $3 a person, let’s say, since the gifts came at wholesale, the school bitched and moaned like said college student discovering that a vodka cranberry cost $10 at an airport bar, let’s say.
This year, however, the school is gleefully hemorrhaging money. No one knows why, but plenty of theories revolving around having barely two brain cells to rub together abound. So the $50 Visa gift card was the gift to the faculty members. $50 per person, versus $3 per person. See what I mean? College Kid has a rich fantasy life.
Anyway, this conversation followed:
Hoomster: Ammi, can I throw away the envelope?
Mama Hoomster: Yes. But keep the letter!
Hoomster: What for?!
Mama Hoomster: Just keep it so I have a copy if I need it later. You know, just so it’s in the record.
Hoomster: The record of what? The record of criminal retardation?
Mama Hoomster: If there’s anything that belongs in the record, it’s examples of criminal retardation.
…Can’t argue with her there. Never doubt Mama Hoomster’s wisdom, you guys. This exchange kind of made me hope that the last 23.25 years were a lie, and that Mama Hoomster is a total take-no-prisoners bitch deep down inside.
Like me. :)
